Forbidden Love (Needle's Kiss Book 3) Page 5

  “No, Haven, I think you are just what I’ve been looking for.”

  Jude

  “Boys!” I yelled from the bottom of the staircase. “Move your backsides or we’ll be late for Mima’s” Grabbing the bags of food and stepping over their backpacks, I made my way to the front door only to be bombarded with noise and little feet.

  “Dad?” Jordan piped up while he slipped his bag on his back. “Will Haven be there?”

  I groaned internally. The boys hadn’t seen Haven in almost two months. Hell, I hadn’t had seen much of her in the last four weeks. Not since that douchebag came into the parlor and pulled the moves on her. I promised she was off limits and I would stick to my word. It had been rough on them but they didn’t need to be confused any more than they already were. I needed to think about what was best for everyone and that meant letting her go. It wasn’t easy, but it had to be done. I had kids to worry about. My feelings and hers come second to that and the situation wasn’t going to be helpful to anyone. I hated that they missed her though. She was such a big part of their lives for so long.

  My fists clenched—bastard. Because of him, she finally seemed happy. I had seen her a few times in town on his arm. She was smiling; she looked light. I wondered if she was fucking him yet. I wouldn’t put it past the asshole to push her for sex…I just hoped she was smart enough to say no.

  Goddamn it.

  Who was I kidding? He was everything I wasn’t. And he was available. He wasn’t hiding their relationship. He damn well had better be treating her like the angel she was or I’d—

  Oh, for fuck’s sake!

  I needed to push Haven out of my mind. For good.

  I looked at my boy, “I dunno, buddy. I don’t think so,” I told him as he shoved his feet into his sneakers. Haven used to babysit for the boys. From the time they were about six, she would come in once or twice a week and watch them while I went out with the guys or to run errands. She was young… just a kid. Until that one night I saw her for who she really was. She had big secrets the family didn’t know about. Nobody but the two of us were aware of her past, but I would still never let it be known just how Haven and I became close. They were her demons to hold.

  “Haven.” I groaned low in my throat. “You’re playing with fire, honey.”

  “I know,” she replied huskily, causing my half-hard dick to jump up to full attention. Her voice and the way her tongue darted out to touch the middle of her top lip was driving me crazy. All I could think about was what she’d taste like. What it’d feel like for my cock to pass between her soft, red pouty lips. Her tongue slid back into her mouth and she bit down on her bottom lip. That was about all I could take. It was as if a rubber band snapped and I lunged forward, grabbing her tiny frame in my large hands. Pulling her as close to my body as possible, I brought my head down and kissed her like I was a starving man.

  “Dad!” Jax’s voice dragged me from my memories. I cleared my throat and shook off the hindering memories as I shuffled the boys out to my truck and loaded up, trying my best to stay focused on the present and why I’d made the choice I had.

  Listening to the boys chatter in the back seat just made me melancholy. The last time I’d packed us up for a family day at their pseudo grandmother’s place, Haven had been with us. The boys had been talking trash at each other in the background completely distracted, and I’d reached my hand over just enough to make contact with her fingertips. It was as much contact as I could afford to make with two curious boys in the car with us. We’d been a secret from the start and it had to stay that way. Too many people would have been hurt if we’d come straight out with it and it went bad. And I’d been right. When it finally came out, it’d been a catastrophe.

  I guessed things would have to be as they were. All this time, it had been just me and them, since their mother had skipped out on them when they were just a few months’ old. It was obvious by how things panned out, Haven and I weren’t meant to be. I’d done the best I could with my boys, going on ten years now, and they were my top priority. Despite their opposite temperaments, they both wanted the same thing—a momma-type figure. All I could offer them was the stability of a father who loved them more than anything. If that meant I did it alone, so be it.

  “Boys! Slow down.” I didn’t even have the truck in park before they were climbing out and racing for the front door. Every month since I could remember, I was expected to be at Haven’s parents’ house for their get-togethers, a barbeque, swimming, and general catch-ups. This one, however, I wasn’t looking forward to, not only had I not spoken to Mace yet, since he was avoiding me like the plague, but Haven might just be here too. I sluggishly moved to collect the cooler and swimming bags from the truck, biding as much time as possible before facing the family, namely Mace.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” I stepped back from the truck and closed my door, turning around and steeling myself for what came next. Mace folded his arms across his chest and stood staring as if he was a bouncer. “The boys can stay but you get gone. Pick them up later,” he commanded with hostility.

  “For crying out loud, Mace. I’ve known you forever, enough already.” I stood my ground. It was time he heard me out. This was the longest we’d ever gone without speaking.

  “I don’t got shit to say to you, “ he growled. “You were my brother!”

  “I’ve known you boys since we were knee high to a grasshopper.” I remembered the day I met them as if it was yesterday.

  Five-year-old Trip had been sitting in the park with dirty knees and tears in his eyes after a bigger kid had pushed him off his bicycle and stolen it. I knew exactly who the bully was too. He’d been picking on people half his size for as long as he’d lived in town. Something about Trip’s sad eyes and distraught face made me snap.

  Without explaining, I turned on my heel, stormed off to the exact spot the bully hung out at and showed him what it was like to be on the receiving end of a few well-placed fists. I didn’t even feel badly for him when he pissed his pants. Needless to say, he never picked on another kid again. When I showed up back at the park with Trip’s bike, Mace, his older brother, was kneeling down in front of him with Trip’s face in his hands, trying as best he could to console him. I handed the bike off to a then beaming Trip, whose expression had transformed to one of wonder and glee. I turned to Mace and nodded. It was one of those moments in life where you didn’t know it at the time, but you’d be forever changed.

  Mace had put his hand out in a simple gesture and I shook it firmly. It was something I’d never had before, respect. I was the outcast of town. When you had a drug addict, alcoholic for a father who regularly beat on you and your mother, people tended to shy away from you. Especially when I looked the way I did. Shaved head, rough clothes, beaten-up boots and bruises with the occasional split lip, I looked like trouble, so folks just ignored me. Mace however didn’t. He shook my hand and stared at me with nothing but admiration, regardless of the dried blood of the bully marking my busted-up knuckles.

  It was a foreign feeling. I let go of his hand tipped my head and walked back to my momma’s trailer. The next day, Mace had shown up with a big pot of food that looked and smelled like the best beef stew I’d ever seen, claiming his ma had sent him with it to say thank you. I’d stood in the crack of the doorway praying to God he couldn’t see my daddy passed out on the small sofa, vomit crusting his mouth, urine stain on his jeans and a needle hanging out his arm. It took me a while to reach out and grab the pot, and when I did, Mace smiled and walked in the direction of town.

  I looked down at my feet when a black bag caught my attention. After I dragged it inside, I discovered it was full of clothes and shoes. The clothes looked like they’d only ever been worn a few times and the shoes seemed the same. I stared at the bundle of things he’d left there and my pride kicked in. I picked up the bag and threw it in the corner of my room. It wasn’t until a few weeks later when I realized he wasn’t being anything but kind to
a stranger that I pulled them out and slipped on a clean cotton t-shirt that didn’t have a single hole in it.

  The tears in momma’s eyes and the smile that tipped the corners of her lips when she got home from her second day job, exhausted and greasy, was enough that I decided maybe Mace was the kind of guy I wanted as a friend. I’d never before had friends but he’d done something nobody else had ever bothered to do. He’d put a smile on my momma’s face and that was priceless. Mace and I hadn’t exchanged many words; we just sort of hung out together. Before I knew it, he was my best and only friend.

  I swore I’d never lose that friendship. We’d been through so many things together. From girls who broke our hearts, to losing his daughter, to me getting my girlfriend knocked up and then her taking off and leaving me and my boys behind. Mace losing his daddy and me… almost killing mine. We were tight. That was until I went and did the unmentionable and messed around with his little sister.

  Things were strained. Beyond tense, Mace and I weren’t on speaking terms and it was clear where Trip stood on the matter. Ma though, she just looked at me with those sad eyes every time I saw her, now. It killed me not knowing what was going through her head. She’d been a surrogate mother to me for as long as I’d known her sons.

  “I get that you’re hurt, Mace, but stop and look at the situation for a minute. There’s a lot more to it that isn’t for me to talk about, but you know me. You’ve known me since I was a kid, dude, and I’m still the same fucking person.” I was as sincere as I could be, but I wasn’t about to get into feelings, because unlike Trip, Mace didn’t work like that. He was all about unspoken truths and quiet respect. “I wasn’t looking to fuck shit up and you know that’s true.”

  “I thought I did know you, but you fucked that up the minute you set eyes on Haven. You always knew she was off limits, Jude. You were supposed to protect her from assholes like us.” He uncrossed his arms and turned his back to me, then began walking toward the house.

  I opened my mouth to speak again because I sure as hell wasn’t letting this go when Mace stopped at the bottom step and said sternly over his shoulder. “You come in, but you still stay the fuck away from me. I miss the boys and if it wasn’t for them, I would have beat you so badly you wouldn’t be moving.” I considered reminding him I could give as good as I got, but thought it best not to push too far.

  “Jude, honey!” Marcy cried out, rushing toward me with her arms out, dishtowel in one hand.

  “Hey, Ma,” I replied, bringing her in for a big bear hug. She was short and seemed sweet, but if you got on the wrong side of her, Lord have mercy on your soul. I’d once witnessed Trip back talk her when he was a teenager, and by God, I don’t know how he managed to walk for the next week. She served him the spanking he deserved and he never once did it again.

  “I missed you and the boys last month.” She pulled back searching my face and frowned at me. “Is everything okay, boy?” Marcy was quick to pick up anything that was awash. Luckily for me, Haven took that moment to walk in the door. I squeezed my eyes shut and blinked a few more times.

  Fuck me. She brought him.

  Right behind Haven in her peach-colored sundress was none other the douchebag McFuckstick. He said hello and tipped his hat, charming the pants off everybody with the exception of me. I hated him. I hated him not for who he was, but for being with Haven. He could have been the nicest guy in the world and I’d still hate him with a fiery vengeance.

  I quietly slipped out of the room behind everyone who’d gathered to see the new guy and made a beeline for the beer. Too bad there wasn’t anything stronger.

  “Boys, slow down!” I hollered at Jaxson and Jordan who were running around the outside of the pool with water pistols.

  “Yes, Dad,” they called back in unison. I turned back to Trip who had baby Javerio on his hip, throwing a tantrum of epic proportions. Trip looked completely frustrated at not being able to settle him, his eyes searching around for Teeny.

  “Here, pass him over,” I suggested, holding out my arms. “He’s definitely got a set of lungs on him.” I laughed, taking the little chubby critter from him and putting my beer down on the table beside us.

  “He’s teething and no matter what I do, he just keeps screaming,” Trip grumbled, his forehead creased in defeat. “Teeny’s exhausted from him being up at night and I can’t fix it.”

  “I know how it is. The boys were sometimes the same. The amount of times I called your mom because they didn’t want me was sad. Sometimes, Dad just doesn’t cut it.” I laid Javerio against my chest so he could hear my heartbeat and rocked back and forth. Within seconds, he stopped crying and jammed his little fat fist into his mouth. “Go, find your wife. I’ve got him.” Trip’s face lost all signs of worry and his shoulders relaxed.

  “I owe you. Thanks, bud.” He grabbed a cold beer and wandered off to find Teeny while I rocked back and forth with the cute little boy in my arms. I had to admit, I missed the twins being this small. I flicked my eyes over to the pool to check on them and then went on my mission to find Javerio’s diaper bag.

  Wandering through the family room, I spotted that black studded bag with all sorts of rattles hanging from the straps. Javi decided that moment was perfect to let me know he wasn’t having what I was offering any more. His hands no longer a sufficient pacifier.

  “Hold tight, little man. Food’s comin’,” I cooed at him while grabbing his bottle and heading toward the kitchen. Twenty-five seconds was a long time when you had an infant screaming bloody-murder over a meal.

  “Almost done, bud. Shh-shh, I got you.” I continued to bounce him in my arms while watching the numbers drop on the microwave.

  “Always demanding like his daddy,” Scarlett said from behind me. I turned my head and nodded at her.

  “The boys in that family always have been,” I retorted. Scarlett moved in and held her arms up taking the fussy little infant, laying a kiss on his forehead.

  “Yeah, you’re right. Your family is pretty demanding.” She smiled down at Javerio and then looked me straight in the eyes, seeing straight through me like only Scarlett could do to people. “He misses you. It’s killing him and it’s hard for me to watch.”

  “I… I don’t know what to say, Scar. I tried to fix it. I never wanted to hurt anyone.” I looked down at my hands, concentrating far too hard on screwing the cap onto the baby bottle.

  “He knows you’re sorry. He also knows you wouldn’t intentionally mess with his sister. But he’s going to take a while to come around. I think he’s more upset that you didn’t tell him first and he had to find out the way he did.” She handed Javerio back to me and placed her hand on my arm. “For what it’s worth, I know you love her. Everything will work out, but, Jude, if you can’t live without her… don’t stop fighting for her.”

  “I wish it was that easy, Scar,” I answered with a frown. Javerio started squirming again, reminding me he wasn’t interested in our conversation and just wanted his food. I looked down and pushed the teat into his mouth. Scarlett walked off with a sigh and left us to our business.

  “Don’t ever fall in love, little dude. It’s something like torture.” He blinked once and stared at me with his big blue eyes, so innocent, so untouched by the cruel world around him. This had to be my favorite age. They were so pure, so unaware of all the trials of what was ahead of them, with no clue how badly loving somebody could hurt.

  I slowly ascended the stairs to the spare bedroom where his Pack ’n Play had been set up. I sat on the bed beside it and mulled over what Scarlett had said.

  Fight for her.

  I wish I could fight for her. I’d give up my last breath for that girl, but her secrets still haunted her and I couldn’t look my best friends in the eye everyday knowing they hated us for loving each other. Before I knew it, there was a sleeping baby in my arms and an almost empty bottle slipping from his tiny lips. I stood and placed Javerio down in his crib. Leaning over, I turned the baby monitor on and grabbed th
e portable handset.

  I wanted to get back downstairs to the rest of the family, especially since it felt like I was on borrowed time after what happened with Hav— “Haven, shit!” I grabbed her waist to keep her from toppling backward down the stairs. Her startled gasp told me I was the last person she was planning on literally running in to. “Fuck, I’m sorry,” I mumbled, distracted by how she felt in my hands. Electricity instantly overtook me and all my senses jumped to life. Her pink flushed cheeks told me she was flustered.

  “I ah—” I dropped my hands quickly and stepped back. “Sorry.” I ducked past her and all but ran down the stairs two at a time. I could still feel the light touch of her skin as I headed toward the back doors and thought back to the last time I touched her. The gasp, which escaped her lips, also reminded me of when a similar sound had escaped in the throws of ecstasy.

  Fuck!

  Just the memory alone was enough for me to do just as Scarlett suggested and fight for her.

  The hard-on currently growing in my pants deflated in an instant when I heard the cry of Jaxson. I picked up my stride and headed toward the wailing, only to stop short when I saw my son in the arms of Dylan.

  A red haze clouded my vision and my heart picked up its speed. Haven ran past me, gathering my crying son in her arms, asking the questions I should’ve been asking.

  “My knee,” he cried. “I fell!” She cooed and coddled him before disappearing into the kitchen with promises of Band-Aids and sweets.

  Once they were safely out of earshot, the fury racing through my veins exploded.

  “What the fucking hell do you think you’re doing with my boy?” I pulled in another heavy breath and let it out, feeling the veins in my head ready to burst.